The Most Hated People on Planes

If you’ve ever flown before, you’re probably aware of at least a few different types of hated passengers. There’s the guy with (apparently) elephantitis of the junk, who must sit with his legs as far apart as possible. Similarly, there’s the Monarch, who must use the armrests on both sides to rest their mighty elbows. What flight is complete without the Drunk, who has consumed three double bloody marys at the airport bar and is keeping the party going inflight. But possibly the most hated people on planes are families; specifically, couples with babies.

Everybody loves babies, unless they’re about to board a plane with them. What is it about babies that suddenly makes them anathema to fellow travelers? Two words: Recirculated Air. When babies aren’t cooing and drooling and being all around adorable, they’re pooping. And being trapped in a plane that’s recirculating stale poopy smells brought to you by the baby in the front row is sure to rile up the masses. Speaking of being trapped in a plane, the other thing babies are great at is crying. Combine that penchant with changing cabin pressure, and you’ve got magic. If by “magic” you mean being stuck with a screaming baby for hours.

In March, my husband and I will embark on our very first flight with our baby. And since there’s a reason baby books don’t include baby’s first flight, we are nervous about the dirty looks we’ll probably receive from the other passengers. He’ll be three months old by then, and we have no idea how to travel with him.

There’s the couple who brought bags of candy for all of the passengers with a note that apologized for their baby (or babies… they may have had twins). But I don’t believe parents should apologize for their babies being babies. I don’t care for the sound of babies crying or the smell of babies pooping, but I certainly never shot dirty looks at the parents or expected an apology.

So I guess this is a friendly warning: Here we come! Baby and all… And as for any smells that may occur, bon appetit!

3 Responses to “The Most Hated People on Planes”
  1. Helen says:

    Mr elephantitus is the same English guy that carries a jar of spotted dick pudding. I say you’ve suffered as the victim of other passengers babies and now it’s your turn to dish it out. Relish it. I wish you were flying here

  2. tattooedpoet says:

    Aside from taking normal precautions, you can’t do anything about your baby’s natural bodily functions, nor can you do anything about how other people will react to them. All you can do is prepare yourself for the inevitable and decide how you are going to respond to what may be an uncomfortable situation. If you are calm and kind to the best of your ability, others may surprise you and reciprocate. The ones who don’t can stew in their own issues. It doesn’t have to affect you. Take care of you and your baby and the rest will fall into place.

  3. tattooedpoet says:

    Why is there ALWAYS the elephantitus of the junk guy? Is it the same guy and he just rides around on airplanes all day and night showing off his disgusting codpiece?

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